Ever feel like you missed a class on how to have a romantic relationship? Do you feel like you will never be allowed into the prestigious club known as plus one? Have you felt that going on a normal date seems to be a long shot? If so then you will love this blog. Hi I'm Dave and I am a survivor of the New York dating scene. This is the story of a socially inept geeky sweet guy on a quest to find love and a decent set of glasses...whatever comes first.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Seven


As the night progressed, I found myself wandering the party in a daze. My New Years Eve had not gone at all how I expected. I had dreams of a sexual adventure that I would be telling my friends about for years. Instead, it was a night filled with shame and embarrassment.

I walked up to the roof of the apartment hoping to change my fate. The party was in full swing as I arrived. Beautiful people were drinking, dancing and generally having a grand time. I found Jack upstairs talking to a group of girls. All three were stunning and I could tell that Jack was in over his head. He was sweating and his expression was full of anxiety.

As I approached them I suddenly got the idea to use my latest magic trick. The fire wallet was a trick wallet that when opened would shoot flames in the air. It was a trick I had been practicing for weeks with. I was looking forward to performing it and figured that it would make quite an impression on these girls.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Six



I walked into the midtown apartment knowing that tonight would be my night. It had been months since I had lost my job and I was still unemployed. Looking for a job was difficult when you were now a full time pick up artist. Well at least I was trying to be a pick up artist. The reality was that even though I was going out seven nights a week, I had yet to make any real progress.

But as Frankie D had advised me, this was the road I had chosen and it would not be easy. So what if I was blowing through my savings. So what if I was beginning to ask my parents for loans. It would all be worth it once I succeeded.

It was New Years Eve and this time things were different. I was no longer at home eating Doritos and trolling OkCupid profiles. Now I was in a wild New Years Eve party being thrown by complete strangers. I was surrounded by beautiful Manhattanites drinking and dancing. I knew this would be the night when I got my New Years Eve kiss. I knew this was the night I would stop being a looser.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Five



I sat in my supervisor's office full of anxiety. The chair felt two sizes too small and the air was beginning to feel thin. Across from me sat Bob. Bob wore a nice buttoned down suit and his hair was slicked back. His office was small and cramped. It was quite bare, no posters or pictures of his family. Just a desk, a computer and some file cabinets.

“Do you know why I called you in here?” Bob asked me.

I gulped, my hands were fists and I felt a cold sweat trickle down my back. “I have a suspicion” I replied.

“David your performance this past year has been pretty abysmal,” Bob said as he leafed through a stack of papers.

“Yeah I know” I stammered “But this past month I have been doing better

“What’s going on David?” Bob said as he stared at me.

How did I get here? I wondered to myself. A year ago I was making sales bonuses and now I wasn’t even meeting quota. To find out why we would need to rewind the clock one year.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Four


Later that night Frankie D took me to a club on the lower east side called Crackers. The club was spacious and boasted an indoor garden. It was also one of the most frequently visited clubs by other Pick Up Artists. Once we walked in all eyes where on us, Frankie D’s reputation preceded him. We met a friend of Frankie’s named Will. Will was an actor living in NYC. He was well built and wore a nicely trimmed beard.

“Okay, its time for you to approach” Frankie D ordered.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Three


I met Frankie D the next day at Runway 69. Located in the heart of Times Square, Runway 69 was one of the lower end strip clubs of the city. It catered to business men on leave from their wives and tourists from out of town who wanted to spice up their vacation. Frankie D sat in the back of the club away from the stage. He was wearing a white wrinkled short sleeved shirt which showed off his impressive collection of wristbands. His hair was slicked back and I could see the wrinkles under his eyes. I could tell he hadn’t slept much.

“Stripper game!” He announced. “I figured since you had such a hard time last night, it was time to change gears” He sat down after greeting me and took a sip of his fruity drink. I looked at Frankie D and thought about the show. Frankie D had come in third after failing to extract a stripper from the club into a waiting limo outside. I wondered if Frankie D had overcome his downfall.

I also reflected on my experience with strippers. It had been years since I set foot in a strip club. The fantasy of erotic dancers had been shattered long ago. When I worked as a driver back home and I would see them hustle drunken tourists out of their money. It killed any magic they had in my mind. Still I felt like I had let Frankie D down the night before and shrugged off my concerns.

“What you have to keep in mind about strippers is that their job is to game guys” Frankie D said. “So you have to be careful on how you game them, because you can tank yourself very easily

“So what do you do?” I asked.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part Two


“You have got to be the worst student I have ever had” Frankie D said angrily. The vein in his forehead was throbbing. He looked at me with anger and disappointment which seared into my soul. My eyes began to water. My heart felt heavy and I began to get shortness of breath.

“I’m sorry” I stammered.

“I honestly don’t know what I am going to do with you” Frankie D said as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I have never encountered this before

Throngs of people walked past us laughing and enjoying the night. I sat down at the curb of the street and began to wipe the tears from my face. I was trying in vain to not let Frankie D see me. I began to wonder how I had gotten here.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part One

“So what you have to know about women is that what entertained them as a child will amaze them now” Frankie D said as he took a bite of his cheesecake. Frankie D sat across from me and ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair. I took a minute to look him over he was wearing a sports jacket with a v neck white t-shirt. Around his neck, hung a beaded necklace. He looked just as he did on the TV show only a bit pudgier and more tanned.

“Yeah, but magic tricks? Seriously?” I said squirming in my seat.

“Dude, magic tricks are where it's at” He responded taking another bite of his cheesecake. You must be wondering how did I wind up sharing a meal with a reality show star? Why was he trying to convince me that magic tricks were the way into a woman’s heart? Well for the answers to that you had to turn the clock back six months.

It was New Years Eve and I was once again at home trolling Okcupid profiles. The sounds of celebrations were just outside my window. Friends embracing and lovers sharing that midnight kiss that I could only dream about. I was at my lowest. I was working a sales job that I hated and I was lonely. Moving to New York was supposed to get me out of my shell but two years in and I was deeper than I was previously. I had little friends and my dating life was in shambles.

It was then that I decided that I needed to change my life. I called up my friend Juan for help. Juan had always been the smartest of my group of friends. He was always regaling me with tales of his dating life and his other artistic pursuits. In recent years, he had settled down with a lovely wife and began the next chapter of his life. I begged him for advice on how to alter my lot in life.

"Well, you need to focus on one aspect of your life and devote as much energy as you can to changing it. Once you can accomplish this then you can move on to the next aspect” He said casually over the phone.

It was then that I decided to focus on women. My love life had never been particularly great. In fact, it was pretty depressing. As you have read, my dates were rather disastrous. So I told Juan my plan I would dedicate all my energy into finally unlocking the secrets of that mysterious creature known as woman.

“That’s excellent!” He said. “You should check out this show I am watching, its all about being better with women its called The Ladies Man”

 That weekend I spent binging on this reality show. It centered around this dating guru known only as Obscurity. Obscurity was a self proclaimed Pick Up Artist. A man who had claimed to have bedded more women than Wilt Chamberlain. His system claimed would guarantee that any man could win the woman of their dreams. One of the contestants though caught my eye. His name was Frankie D and he was a fat slob when he began the show and through the course of the series became the life of the party. He ultimately came in third but that point was glossed over, Frankie D was like me a pathetic shell of a man and had somehow transformed himself. I needed to learn more.