Cheesecake & The Pick Up Artist Part One

“So what you have to know about women is that what entertained them as a child will amaze them now” Frankie D said as he took a bite of his cheesecake. Frankie D sat across from me and ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair. I took a minute to look him over he was wearing a sports jacket with a v neck white t-shirt. Around his neck, hung a beaded necklace. He looked just as he did on the TV show only a bit pudgier and more tanned.

“Yeah, but magic tricks? Seriously?” I said squirming in my seat.

“Dude, magic tricks are where it's at” He responded taking another bite of his cheesecake. You must be wondering how did I wind up sharing a meal with a reality show star? Why was he trying to convince me that magic tricks were the way into a woman’s heart? Well for the answers to that you had to turn the clock back six months.

It was New Years Eve and I was once again at home trolling Okcupid profiles. The sounds of celebrations were just outside my window. Friends embracing and lovers sharing that midnight kiss that I could only dream about. I was at my lowest. I was working a sales job that I hated and I was lonely. Moving to New York was supposed to get me out of my shell but two years in and I was deeper than I was previously. I had little friends and my dating life was in shambles.

It was then that I decided that I needed to change my life. I called up my friend Juan for help. Juan had always been the smartest of my group of friends. He was always regaling me with tales of his dating life and his other artistic pursuits. In recent years, he had settled down with a lovely wife and began the next chapter of his life. I begged him for advice on how to alter my lot in life.

"Well, you need to focus on one aspect of your life and devote as much energy as you can to changing it. Once you can accomplish this then you can move on to the next aspect” He said casually over the phone.

It was then that I decided to focus on women. My love life had never been particularly great. In fact, it was pretty depressing. As you have read, my dates were rather disastrous. So I told Juan my plan I would dedicate all my energy into finally unlocking the secrets of that mysterious creature known as woman.

“That’s excellent!” He said. “You should check out this show I am watching, its all about being better with women its called The Ladies Man”

 That weekend I spent binging on this reality show. It centered around this dating guru known only as Obscurity. Obscurity was a self proclaimed Pick Up Artist. A man who had claimed to have bedded more women than Wilt Chamberlain. His system claimed would guarantee that any man could win the woman of their dreams. One of the contestants though caught my eye. His name was Frankie D and he was a fat slob when he began the show and through the course of the series became the life of the party. He ultimately came in third but that point was glossed over, Frankie D was like me a pathetic shell of a man and had somehow transformed himself. I needed to learn more.

For the next month, I spent every waking moment devouring as much information I could find on Obscurity and his system. I read his book, downloaded videos of his lectures and even found rare footage of him in the field with women. I also tracked down Frankie D and began to e-mail him. To my shock he responded and we began a bit of an e-mail friendship. Then one day he made his move.

Dear David,

I wanted to let you know, I have begun to teach classes. I thought maybe I could fly to NYC for a weekend and I could teach you. It wouldn’t be too expensive usually I charge three grand but for you I would only charge two grand. Let me know if you're up for it.

Frankie D 

What a coincidence! I thought to myself. I had just saved two grand’s worth of sales bonuses! It was fate. I quickly wired Frankie D the money and set up a weekend for him to fly into NYC. Which is how I wound up in Dave and Busters of Times Square with Frankie D.

“So women are up here” Frankie D said raising his hand above his head. “And you are down here” He rested his other hand on the table. “It's your job to lower them to your level and we do this with negs”

I sucked in my breath. Negs, it was something I was dreading. Negs were basically backhanded compliments that you would say to a woman in order to shake her confidence. This way they would see you as an equal instead of lower. It was a concept I was not very comfortable with.

I was a nice guy. It was a feature of myself that I was always happy with. It all seemed somehow sleazy. I mean why would I want a woman who thought of herself as superior to me? Would I always be negging her?

“I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable with negs” I said. Without a beat Frankie D took another bite of his cheesecake and said “No one does at first. But trust me, if you want to stop sleeping alone in your bed. Then you need to get used to negs”

I thought long and hard about this. Sure, I was a nice guy but where had that gotten me? Maybe it was time to get out of my comfort zone.

“Okay let's do this” I said with a sigh of surrender. Frankie D looked at me seriously for a few seconds then he smiled. He licked his spoon, finishing the last of his cheesecake and said.

“David, welcome to the first day of your new life”

To Be Continued...