Surprise! 

I Have a Penis!

I have a lot of gal pals since moving to NYC. Mostly because these women find my jack ass nature endearing. Anyway one of the many perks of being friends with them is that I hear all the bad date stories that serve as cautionary tales.

But one trend keeps coming up (no pun intended) over and over again. The trend? The penis picture. A lot of women reading this are nodding their heads agreeing with me. Here, is the basic scenario guy and girl go out, guy acts normal on the date (hell sometimes down right charming) and its a lovely night. But once the girl gets back to her place. She checks her e-mail only to see a message from the boy. Excitedly she opens the attachment and.....


Penis picture. Seriously? If it wasn't that I saw it happen right before my eyes,  I probably would not have believed it.

I mean I have guy friends. Some I have known for over ten years, and in all that time, we have never had this exchange...

Me: So this girl I went out with is not returning my calls

Friend: did you send her a picture of your penis?

Guys! Seriously! Really? What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean what kind reaction do you think you'll get?

Girl: His this is Suzy, I just want to let you know I had a fabulous time last night. But my favorite part was when you e-mailed me that picture of your cock. It made me think "gosh I need me some of that 3 inch meat"

Wake up! That's not gonna happen. You know I'm a guy. I know sometimes our penis surprises us, and we are proud. But we keep it to ourselves, we don't take pictures of it and send to a girl who we have just met. Also, have none of you realized that now in the internet ether there is a picture of your cock floating around? Once it's online, it's on there forever!

As technology moves forward, this could wind up happening...

Mr.White: Mr.Gill I see here you are more than qualified for this position

Mr.Gill: Yes I agree sir

Mr.White: Now, as you know the position is with a salary of 1.5 million a year, perks include use of the company jet, your own bat mobile and  150 vacation days.

Mr.Gill: Yes

Mr.White: Well this is just a formality, but I need to ask you one last question and the jobs yours

Mr.Gill: Go Ahead, please

Mr.White: Did you send a picture of your penis to a Jessica Williams on Sept 3rd 2002?

Mr.Gill: fuck me

Just saying guys.