A Picture Says A Thousand Words

I have been online dating for quite a few years now. I have seen thousands upon thousands of profiles. But it never fails to amaze me at the chronic mistakes most people make in their photos. Here, are the errors that both men and women make in their profiles. Lets begin, shall we?

Baby Pictures

This is one that I think should be a no brainer. Why on gods green earth would you post a picture of a baby that is not yours? Yes I am sure your nephew or friends baby is utterly adorable. Guys, do you have any idea what you are saying to guys with these pictures? Think about that for a second. If your answer was that it makes you look like you are dying to get pregnant, Then NO FUCKING SHIT! Seriously if its not your kid, stop posting photos of toddlers.

Photoshopped Pictures

With the invention of basic editing tools for the public, everyone is a graphic artist. Sure its fun to turn yourself into a cartoon or put your face on a kittens body, but this should be avoided at all costs. Its not that we have no sense of fun. But any kind of picture alteration even if it is silly, sends only one message. You are not serious in finding someone. Why should a successful, handsome, and smart guy message a girl; who doesn’t have the maturity to post an honest normal picture?

Pictures with X boyfriends or Male “Best Friends”

This just comes down to the difference between men and women. The concept of the male best friend tends to fall on the female gender. While yes the friendship could be purely platonic or he could just be gay. A potential mate cant possibly know that. A picture boils everything down to a visually primal level in which we react like the apes we are and see a potential threat. Sure a lot of websites will allow you to place a comment on your pictures, but this does not help at all. Your intentions don't matter, the majority of men just won't buy it. We live in a cynical world, so just save yourself a headache and avoid putting those pictures up.

Pictures of You In A Weird Angle

I believe that taking pictures of yourself in a weird angle has been around since Niepce first thought up photography. I love how people still believe they are the first to come up with using camera tricks to hide their flaws. I once was contacted by a woman who’s profile picture had her wearing a black dress in a dark room to hide her weight problem. The classic of course is the aerial shot using perspective to hide your pop belly. It's actually quite stupid. How are you going to hide that when you finally meet? Guys if a person is going to be with you, they should accept you warts and all. I have a beer belly myself, but I make no attempt to hide it. Does that mean that I get fewer responses from the “hot” girls? Well yeah, but why would I want to be with someone so shallow? I want to be with someone who is not ashamed to be with me. Yes the physical does count, but deception is just pathetic all around.

Older Pictures

Here, is another classic. We have folks who post pictures of themselves when they were a size 2 and now are a 6. Then there are those pictures when you guys used to have hair, now you look like Charlie Brown. I still don’t understand what you are trying to achieve. You are only delaying the inevitable awkward meeting where you sit across a pissed off person at the four star restaurant. Not only are you wasting their time but your's as well. Trust me, you're not going to win them over with your charming personality. How can you ask someone to look past your looks, when you cant even do it?

Pictures of your abs or any picture without a shirt

So you spent the past summer working on your abs. You are proud of what you achieved and why shouldn’t you? But guys seriously you look like insecure meatheads when you go, and post pictures of yourselves shirtless rocking the eight pack. It screams “Look at me! I need validation to feel good about myself!” Which just repels women, at least the quality ones. Besides you don’t want to look like a reject from “The Jersey Shore.” Well unless you genuinely want to, but I for one won't respect you.

Pictures of your car

Maybe its because, I have never seriously been into cars like most guys. But I just don’t understand why so many dudes choose to post pictures of themselves in front of their vehicles. Obviously we can make the comparison of how they are making up for their penis size but its such a cliché. Personally I think it conveys insecurity about their wallet. I shudder to think of the type of ladies who see a picture of the car and think “I got to get me some of that…” Lets be frank ladies, if you are into machines I know there are a few contraptions that can give you more pleasure than driving around in them.

Pictures of you badly dressed

This is a no brainer, but you would be shocked how often guys make this mistake. I think its because they are too afraid to take pictures of themselves. So they only have these horrible ones of them at the prom or work functions. Basically photos you need to burn not post. Here’s a tip, take photos of yourself constantly. Eventually you will look terrific in a few. You can post those and erase the rest.

Pictures of you with slutty good looking girls

I got to be honest. I have made this mistake myself. I got some unwelcome advice that if I had hot  looking girls on my profile it would attract other succulent looking girls. Yes I was that stupid. Really it made me look like a sleaze bag and not in a good way. Having slutty looking girls makes you look shallow, judgmental and just downright arrogant. I don’t think guys know this, but arrogant is actually another word for insecure not cool. This is why I hate entourage.

So there you have it one mans observation on the most common profile mistakes. You may not agree (probably because your guilty of these), but I stand by my opinions. Feel free to comment if I missed any or if you have something to add that I missed. If you make these mistakes please don’t take it personal, I have been guilty of a few of these myself. But at least I owned up to my mistakes and learned from them. I hope you do as well.