The Ring Pop & My Broken Heart

As kids, we make stupid life decisions. It's not our fault, we still see the world in that naive black and white state. We can't comprehend the grey tones that life is composed of. It's either one or the other. This is a immensely powerful and dangerous perception of life. Because in these critical moments, a single choice can be hardwired into the core of your brain. So if the wrong choice is made, then it can be a monumental task to overcome.

I made one of these choices in second grade. It was a decision that impacted my life for years to come.

I was seven years old and naive. I watched a lot of TV. I still believed in soul mates and fairy tales. I had no reason to question it. I lived a exceedingly sheltered life. My folks did a lot to protect me from the hard truths of the world. But one day I got a crash course on how shitty life can be at times.

Up to that point, I had only brushes with the mystery that is girls. There were a handful of girls I had gone goo goo over. There was the red head who liked to eat glue. A black haired beauty that liked to kiss my cheek during nap time in kinder garden. But for the past few months I was head over heels in love with hazel eyes, blond haired Christina.

I did the usual stalker routine. Stared from across the playground, followed her during lunch time and of course gather information from her friends. I finally confided in a fellow second grader that I was in love with her. He recommended that I write her a love letter. Even at that age, I knew that was a terrible idea, but I went for it since I had no other options. So one day, I bought a cherry ring pop and wrote her the following love letter...

Dear Christina,

I love you. You are the prettiest girl in the world, and I want to be your boyfriend. But don't tell anyone! Except your mom, that's okay. I want to kiss you and make you happy. I promise to be the best boyfriend ever.

David

Brilliant, I know. Like the little ninja I was, I snuck over and placed the testament of my love in her backpack. Then I told her, I left a surprise for her. I also told her to not look until she got home. First thing she did when I turned around was to dive into her backpack; head first like a pelican catching a fish. By the time I walked across the room, she was wearing my ring pop and had begun to read my letter.

There are moments that will be burned in my mind until I die. The image of Christina crying (and not in a good way) as she read my letter; will stay with me until I am in the grave. My blood turned cold, and I felt a stabbing pain in my heart; as I saw her best friend ask what was wrong. Time began to slow down once I saw her mouth the words

He's ugly!

And just like that...at 7 years old, I made the decision that I was ugly. So for years, I believed that I was so hideous that I could frighten babies. It took me years to get over that. Looking back now, it's silly that one dumb little girl could affect my life in such a profound way. But when your a kid little things mean the world to you.

Worst of all?

I never did get my cherry flavored ring pop back...what a fucking gold digging bitch.