"I'm sorry! I seriously thought I would be okay" Charlotte began to say between sobs. " I haven't gotten like this in years...I honestly am a normal person." That last sentence said it all, because in my experience when someone said that they were normal, they were far from it.
Her white cheeks had turned beet red and tears where flowing like a monsoon. Between sobs and attempts at words, Charlotte began to make a squeaky rubber frog sound. The sound began to echo throughout the restaurant. The murmur of a crowd that had filled the restaurant had now emptied the room. We were the center of attention. I was slowly shrinking out of embarrassment. Our waitress was now surrounded by her coworkers staring at me. The look on her face was full of judgement and hatred toward me. In her mind (and most of the restaurant) I was the asshole who was dumping his girlfriend in a public place. Maybe I was a cheater who just confessed to bagging half the east coast or maybe I just told her that I would never marry her.
The truth was none of the above, in fact this was our first date. The cause of her hysterics had nothing to do with me. In fact, it was the owner of the steak house who was at fault.
I had met Charlotte on a E-harmony. The site is the first you think of when you picture online dating. I had heard horror stories about web dating but never believed them. After all, I had dabbled with dating on the net back home. I even wound up in a few relationships. Good ones too!
Yet here I was sitting across the table from a hysterical woman.
"Should we leave?" I whispered.
"No!" she screamed. "I said I am fine!"
"You're sobbing in a restaurant, I don't think you're fine" I hissed back.
She began to sob louder and uncontrollably. The crowd began to murmur and point fingers at me.
"Would you like me to call someone for you?" the waitress said with a concern motherly tone. She surprised me, as I had not heard her walk up behind me.
"I don't think..." I began to say.
"I wasn't talking to you sir." she said coldly as she handed Charlotte tissues.
"No, I'm fine...really" She mumbled as she brought the napkin to her eyes.
When I met Charlotte an hour earlier, there was no indication that I would wind up in a restaurant full of angry patrons. Her profile seemed normal. In fact it screamed it. Charlotte worked in a law firm as a secretary. She had two cats. A one bedroom apartment on the lower west side that she shared with a roommate. She was an only child who grew up in Buffalo. In fact even her appearance was pretty average. Don't get me wrong, she was terribly cute, but her attire was nothing I had not seen a million times before. She was wearing a wool sweater and skirt that fit her slightly frumpy body. She had a small silver pendant around her neck, and her auburn hair was loose and nicely styled. I would say the most striking thing about her appearance was her chipmunk cheeks.
The date started nicely enough. We met at union square and walked around enjoying the summer evening. The street vendors were winding down their day of selling organic ostrich meat and over priced hand made wind chimes. We did a little window shopping as we passed establishments like Forbidden Planet and Strands. We spoke about her life and my career. It wasn't a dreadful start for a first date. Then as if guided by fate, it began to rain. We quickly ran to the restaurant, and that's when I found myself in this predicament.
"What did you do?!" Our waitress had now fully turned on me. She stared at me with full "men suck" eyes. I could tell that my crying date had struck a cord with her. Maybe it conjured images of her x-boyfriend making out with her best friend. Of course, while her copy of "The Notebook" was playing in the background.
"Nothing!" I said in my defense.
"Yeah, right..." She said sarcastically. From the look in her eyes, her x was now on second base as Ryan Gosling confessed his love to Rachel McAdams.
"No it's true...it's not his fault.." Charlotte said meekly between whimpers.
"It's the animal heads" I said with a sigh.
"What?" the waitress asked with disbelief.
I pointed to the walls that were surrounded with stuffed animal heads. Bambi stared at me from behind Charlotte with an eternal surprised look on it's face. I suddenly pictured my head mounted on the wall with a confused look on my face. It seemed like a more appealing experience than being on this train wreck of a date.
It took ten minutes to convince the waitress that Charlotte was indeed having a meltdown due to her fear of animal heads. Had I known, I certainly would not have taken her to a steak house. Things began to calm down, once we were moved toward the back; where we were away from the dearly departed. Not to mention other customers. You can imagine that even without the hysterics the damage had been done, and we ate in awkward silence. Charlotte only began to speak as we walked to the subway. It was mostly small talk, and as we said goodbye she looked in my eyes and said with complete sincerity
"I had a great time, I hope we can do it again"
At that moment, I realized that dating in NYC would be like nothing I had ever encountered before.
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